I love Chinese Food!
However, being someone who try’s to eat Clean as much as possible eating out can be a real challenge.
I must also mention I am very allergic to MSG of any form. Unfortunately it has become renamed so many things ( here is a list ) it is a real challenge to stay away from MSG.
We often ask restaurants if they uses MSG. We always hear a resounding “no”. To which we ask again adding, “I am highly allergic”. 70% of the time we here something like, “well we only have it in some of our dishes……”
It has been a recurring story that we find one or two Chinese Food restaurants who do not use MSG. Things begin fine but within a year or so something changes(the cook or management) and I begin to get sick.
My husband and I have a healthy and active sex life. But this past week had been more than hectic and we had not had the time to be together in a couple days. This is hard on me (us). So we planned to make tonight the night no matter what…….. It would be perfect! We had plans to eat out which makes the evening easier. Come home do our stuff get the 6 kids to bed and the night was ours.
We went to one of our commonly visited Chinese food restaurants. I enjoyed my food and was very satisfied. I did not over eat, I wanted to be ready for the night with my hubby.
We left the restaurant and began heading home. It takes about 35 mins to get home. However, within about 5 mins of my husbands driving I began to have gas. It was horrible painful cramping gas. Gas you just couldn’t wait to release. We have been married 18 years. So farting really is no big deal. So I let go……
OH MY GOSH I almost died from my own fart. The entire family began gagging and crying out for the windows to be opened. Mind you- it is December at night and about 20 degrees outside. However freezing to death seemed to be a fantastic option to dying from suffocation by this chemical warfare I had just produced.
The cramping was so bad ……farting felt soooo good.
I had to fart again or I would explode.
My poor husband was tearing up and gagging so bad and he could barely drive. Kids where screaming, “Mom NOOOOOO.” But I just had too. Each time I farted it was silent yet freeing and (sigh) yes there where several and constant farts – Each time I warned my family of the oncoming doom. It seemed like the least I should do. Especially since my previous chemical warfare had not yet even cleared. Nor ever did. I felt so bad, but so good at the same time. I was so guilty, so embarrassed, and I yet had to laugh in my shame. The entire car of 8 tightly fitting people, myself included, were gagging and gasping.
We finally got home and I unloaded in the restroom. Even with the fan on, my house became a nauseous Armageddon. My entire family was begging me to stop. Asking what in the world I had eaten. Even my sweet little 20 month old son looked at me in horror and shame.
The entire house was now contaminated and blanketed in a nauseous heavy gas. Afraid to light a candle in fear of a massive explosion. We all just accepted it. I was exhausted from the battle my body had just delivered to the innocent toilet. I sat there looking at my horrified husband. In 18 years I have never had such a battle. I sadly and quietly stated, “there is no way we will be able to have sex tonight. I was truly disappointed, but so grossed out, so tired and still a little gassy. There was just no way I could even imagine feeling sexy.
All I could say is, ” Chinese Food Ruined My Sex Life.”
This my friends is one of my many Jennifer Moments.